I'm the type of person who thrives off of routine and for the most part planning that routine. Up until about 18 months ago my little structured life was running just as I planned and I really enjoyed it. I like predictability, knowing what to expect and most of all control. Events that have occurred during the last 18 months have altered my since of routine and structure that I once felt so secure with. For the most part I think I have dealt with this catastrophic shake up relatively with ease. I have tried to take things on a day to day basis knowing that God will only give me what I can handle. However, at times I just want to shout, "I CAN"T HANDLE ANYMORE!" I think I feel that way mainly because I don't feel like I have that sense of structure and control that makes me feel so secure. I have come to the conclusion that I need to stop relying on others for my sense of security and that I am responsible for it. It's time to start thinking about what I want and how to achieve it. Even though I don't know what's going to happen in the future I do feel comforted in knowing that I have two wonderful daughters who look up to me and will follow my lead. It's up to me to show them that it's okay when things don't go just as we have planned and how to learn and grow from that change.
5 years ago